like eleanor said.

so...i've begun riding my bike to work...not just as an eco-responsible, cost-effective practice...but now, as my car was recently totaled, as a necessity. it's one thing to ride as a choice...which i had done...regularly...and that is certainly something to feel good about.

but it's another thing altogether to ride because you have to.

when you ride because you have to, it doesn't matter how far you have to go. it doesn't matter if you're tired. it doesn't matter if you have a lot of things to carry. it doesn't matter if you're behind. it doesn't matter if you don't want to. it doesn't matter if you're sick. it doesn't matter if it's frighteningly dark. it doesn't matter if it's raining, or hailing, or sweltering hot. you simply must do.

and there's naturally an amount of forethought and planning involved in order to consider every possibility. but the thing is, the reward is such a sweet, sweet knowing...of knowing you can test your limits and push yourself through every and any obstacle that may arise along the path. it is the opportunity to become intimately acquainted with your resilience...and ultimately to know...without a shadow of a doubt...that:

you must [and can] do the thing you thought you could not do.

more beautiful with salt.

metempsychosis

Some stories last many centuries,
others only a moment.
All alter over that lifetime like beach-glass,
grow distant and more beautiful with salt.

Yet even today, to look at a tree
and ask the story Who are you? is to be transformed.

There is a stage in us where each being, each thing, is a mirror.

Then the bees of self pour from the hive-door,
ravenous to enter the sweetness of flowering nettles and thistle.

Next comes the ringing a stone or violin or empty bucket
gives off —
the immeasurable’s continuous singing,
before it goes back into story and feeling.

In Borneo, there are palm trees that walk on their high roots.
Slowly, with effort, they lift one leg then another.

I would like to join that stilted transmigration,
to feel my own skin vertical as theirs:
an ant-road, a highway for beetles.

I would like not minding, whatever travels my heart.
To follow it all the way into leaf-form, bark-furl, root-touch,
and then keep walking, unimaginably further.

- Jane Hirshfield -

mindful transportation.

having recently been involved in a car accident that totalled my incredibly dependable and safe [read: visceral, personal experience] 2006 MINI Cooper, i am mindfully considering all my options for transportation in a suburban environment with woefully difficult public transport. that it would take me over 2 hours to get only 9 miles and remotely close to my job from home [even then i would have to walk a mile from any busstop to my end destination] is no exaggeration. and given my personal commitment to green, sustainable living and thrill to cycling, it makes far more sense [and would save a great deal of time] to bike the round-trip 20 miles each day to work...[this is something i did often, weather permitting before this most recent turn of events]...but when you must depend on your bike for transportation, a full awareness of some facts are important.

so naturally, in the nerdy way that i do...i have delved into all of the research regarding traffic statistics and my now necessary mode of travel. and, it is a sobering perlustration. as gas prices will undoubtedly continue to rise [despite the occasional abatement], there will be more and more people taking to the roads with alternative modes of transportation. please take a moment to survey these statistics. they are the most recent available listing of fatalities to bicyclists as compiled by NHTSA the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration.

as you can see...the state of Florida [my home state]...has earned quite a dubious distinction. by comparison, we suffer the greatest number of fatalities [131, statewide in 2006: 7.3 persons/millions in population]. only California registers a higher number [141, statewide in 2006], but California also registers twice the number of residents [3.87 persons/millions in population] meaning our traffic fatalities by comparison occur at double the rate. there's even a state sponsored study that concludes that because we are "the sunshine state" [read: more hours of daylight] and because we have a higher-than-average poverty rate, Floridians suffer a higher traffic vs. pedestrian and traffic vs. cyclist fatality rate. nice conclusion...now, may we all work toward a solution.

Visit the League of American Bicyclists to read more and take action. and please, please...drive mindfully and share the road.



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tonglen.

breathing in. i take in all who are physically weary this morning...whose heart's hurts have made them tired.
breathing out. may a sense of strength and peace from deep within rise to comfort and grant them grace for today.

breathing in. i take in all who find themselves in the midst of great and unexpected change. who are not certain what direction their life is to take or even what step to take from this moment.
breathing out. may they pause in this pure place of unattachment to any foreseen outcome. may they feel the deep peace and wisdom of not-knowing. may they sit past the noise until the place where everything becomes clear

breathing in. i take in all who have been undone...shattered in a million pieces like a great window, broken.
breathing out. may each tiny, broken piece of them exponentially reflect the light. may the beauty of the magnitude of glory that filters through such vulnerable transparency transform their vision...and sanctify their life, even as they are refashioned.

om mani padme hum.
om mani padme hum.
om mani padme hum.

selah.

In a world where there are people
who assume you no longer exist,
I am compelled to proclaim Your praises, O God.
I cannot define or describe You,
But I know by personal experience
Your power and presence in my life.
There was a time when I screamed,
"Good Lord, where are You?"
Then you touched my despairing soul with healing,
and delivered me from my private little hell.
Thus I shout God's praises
and exhort all who know Him to do the same.
There are times when I feel God's anger,
but even then I know
His concern and love for me remain eternal.
And my nights of despair
resolve into the dawn of new joy.

There was a time when I thought I was secure
amidst my material accumulations.
However, they gathered like a cloud
to blot out the face of God,
and I was left empty and unfulfilled.

I finally came to my senses
and returned to You, O God.
"Lord," I said, "my well-deserved damnation
would also be a loss to You.

I cannot praise You from the pits of hell
or proclaim Your loving-kindness
out of the grave of eternal death.
So have mercy, Lord,
and help me out of this tangled web."

And You turned my griping into gratitude,
my screams of despair into proclamations of joy.
Now I can explode with praises,
and I will spend eternity in thanksgiving to You.


- the 30th Psalm, the Bible -
[translation: Psalms/Now by Leslie Brandt]

le bon mot du jour: from learning the lesson to living the lesson - or where i find myself. right. now.

When we really see other people as they are without taking it personally, we can never be hurt by what they say or do. Even if others lie to you, it is okay. They are lying to you because they are afraid. They are afraid you will discover that they are not perfect. It is painful to take that social mask off. If others say one thing, but do another, you are lying to yourself if you don't listen to their actions. But if you are truthful with yourself, you will save yourself a lot of emotional pain. Telling yourself the truth about it may hurt, but you don't need to be attached to the pain. Healing is on its way, and it's just a matter of time before things will be better for you.

If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn't walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want. You will find that you don't need to trust others as much as you need to trust yourself to make the right choices.


- from "The Four Agreements" by
Don Miguel Ruiz -