falling down, being undone, and the great immutable law of Love.

I fell down this morning, and it hurt.
Accidents, mishaps, catastrophes — they all happen like that, so suddenly. Your world spins in the momentum which leaves you wondering, "what happened?" for a disorienting space of time before you can make sense of the…this…led to that…perspective.

I was making my way by bike on the road to work, and all of the sudden I was bleeding on the sidewalk. It was shocking at first. And then, it hurt. And then, it became clearer with each passing minute, as the blood pooled beneath my skin in a feverish swell of black and blue, that it was going to hurt worse.

I am lucky.
There were 4 cars that did not hit me.
I am lucky.
I was catapulted to the side of the road, even as my bike was launched over me.
I am lucky.
It is merely a flesh wound.
I am lucky.
There was a safe place to stop nearby where I could address the immediate pain, and assess the damage.

Some ice, and tenderness, and a cleansing cold wash with a rag, and a friendly cup of coffee later, I was on my way again…straining a bit at first, against the twisted memory of a new pain…I continued – and finished – my journey.

And the whole while, a somber thought, I carried in the pocket of my heart. It was there like an unspoken dawning, the awareness of what day this is.

I thought of it
as I awoke this morning.

I thought of it
as I listened to coverage and remembrances on NPR as I readied for work.

I thought of it
as my friend hastily put together a compress of ice for my bruised and bleeding knees.

I thought of it
as she sat across from me – of how she was there – in that city caring for frightened children on that terrible day.

I thought of it
as I considered the countless others whose lives are forever, irreversibly changed.

Those who lost fathers, and mothers, and brothers, and sisters, and daughters, and sons, and lovers, and friends.

Those who lost comfort, and safety, and security, and focus, and vision, and purpose, and dreams, and perhaps even faith, or hope, or love.

And I thought of it
even as my wounds simply smart, how they are just a temporary grief.


And grief is like this. It changes who we are. It causes us to re-evaluate our journey.

We come to grief, often so unexpectedly, so suddenly, our whole lives

Stop,

and unravel, and are undone.

We are opened up in a way that seems we have no choice but to hurt. We are often shocked. We are hurting. We are so immobile for a while, even as the world continues to spin. We are frightened, or angry, or despondent, or heartbroken. We are raw.

But we are still here. And this grief has now – regardless of our choosing – become a part of who we are. It is now a part of our journey…which will end, now and here, if we stay in this place. But now/here is nowhere…and even as we come to an acceptance of this change, we must keep moving.

And this is no easy task. How is it when we lose all sense of what we know as sure that we can know which way to go? It is helpful to remember, and has become a touchstone for my own life…that choosing the path of love will always expand our horizons, while choosing the path of self-protection, or hatred, or fear, will always lead to a diminished, closed-off, narrow existence.

If I had refused to get back on my bike, I would not be here/now…it is embracing with an open heart each new moment that will slowly bring us back to life with grace.

And it is loving, really loving when we are challenged. When our world is devastated. When our heart is crushed. When we lose everything. When we are broken. When someone would wish to do us harm. When we are stripped of everything we could ever hold as dear to us, that we can know for certain. Only love is real. [and living and giving that love is our highest purpose.]and,it is this great truth, that is scryed upon my heart –


All love is expansion, all selfishness is contraction.
Love is therefore the only law of life.
He who loves lives, he who is selfish is dying.
Therefore love for love's sake,
because it is law of life,
just as you breathe to live.


- Swami Vivekananda -