the only thing that makes sense anymore.

photo by michael wilson

KINDNESS

Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,
you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans
and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes any sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to mail letters and purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
It is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you everywhere
like a shadow or a friend

- Naomi Shihab Nye -

refrigerator round-up, or simply the best tempeh i've ever had!

Fresh tempeh at the market, Jakarta, Indonesia.

okay. sometimes even a skinny vegetarian wants something 'meaty' to eat after a long day during a long week at work...and since i've been feeling a little tired of late, i wanted something substantial, but not heavy. as always, tempeh takes the cake [pun intended]. when cooked just right, tempeh can be the meatiest tasting veggie meal, but far more so than tofu, tempeh requires attention to preparation. i have learned the hard way: the more thought you put into the prep, the far more enjoyable it will be.

what's so rewarding about tempeh is it truly a wonder 'meat'...with nearly as much protein as chicken, but no cholesterol. tempeh also provides a greater amino acid profile due to its sprouting and fermentation. it is these same principles that make it such a joy to cook with, because unlike tofu, tempeh starts out firm and does not require freezing [as tofu does, to make it more solid]. and in spite of its denseness, tempeh is very low in calories. lastly, tempeh is unique among meat substitutes, because it has a fairly high amount of vitamin B-12 and iron.

and so, when you're feeling a little spent, something like a tempeh 'bacon' wrap for a summer meal is the way to go. the prep takes a small amount of time, but the smile on your face when you take the last bite is definitely worth it.

sweet and sour tempeh 'bacon' and avocado wraps

ingredients:

something to sink your teeth into:
1 - 8 or 10 oz. block of tempeh, cut into thin slices

[here's what i did.] turn the rectangle of tempeh long side down. slice the short side into thin strips, let's say approx. 1/8 of an inch.

set aside.

sauce ingredients:
2 tbs grapeseed oil, or olive oil

2 small cooking onions, or 1 large, sliced into thin rings

2 cloves garlic, pressed

1 small finger of ginger, cut into 4 thin pieces

2 tbs tomato paste

1/4 cup thin soy sauce - [i used a combination of tamari and mushroom soy]

1/4 cup maple syrup - [the sweet part]

splash of red wine vinegar - for the technically minded, let's say 2 tbs.

1/2 -3/4 tsp chipotle pepper sauce [a must for smokiness]

2 tamarind pods, remove the outer shell, squeeze out the seeds and scrape the paste from the inside [if you can find tamarind, this adds an incomparable complexity, a perfect sour to the sweetness]

1 pinch of cayenne pepper, or cajun seasoning

2 bay leaves

1 pinch of clove powder

other goodies:
flat bread wraps, i prefer flatout lite lowfat bread because it has 9 grams of protein, 9 grams of fiber - 90 calories, and it holds together very well!

mixed greens, or mesclun

avocado - i used a big, fat 'slimcado' or florida avocado [a good source of those important MUFA fats]

preparation - now, let's get cooking!!:
gather all of your ingredients.

in a larger sized sauce pan, heat the oil and soften the onion until it is translucent and begins to release its flavor [approximately 2-3 minutes]

when it has begun to cook, add the remaining sauce ingredients to boil over medium high heat, careful not to scorch the bottom of the pan.

when the sauce has begun to boil, add the tempeh, stir with a wooden spoon to coat, and reduce heat to a simmer.

cover the pan and allow the tempeh to simmer in the sauce approximately 15 minutes. as the sauce boils down, the tempeh will begin to fry and crisp in the pan.

now, we're on a roll:
when the tempeh is finished, place your wrap flat on the counter.

top with mesclun

layer with steamin' tempeh [ you won't need any other sauce, it's that good]

finish with avocado slices

and [badumdum - dorky drum roll] it's a wrap!

**serve with broccoli rabe and garlicky cannellini

rapini [broccoli rabe] and cannellini

so easy. so good.

ingredients:
1 head broccoli rabe [heads-up!: i will now heretofore use rabe and rapini interchangeably, simply because, i'm not sure which one i like the sound of better]

2-3 cloves garlic, or more if you wish

1 can cannellini beans

1-2 tbs olive oil

coarse sea salt

quick and dirty directions:
take a fresh, fresh head of broccoli rabe. rinse to drain any dirt or grit

or like my head had, clumps of roots.

with a larger chef's knife, trim the leaves and tips away from the woodier stalks

set the leaves and tips aside. discard [compost] the stalks

take each clove of garlic and cut into paper thin slices

heat the oil until it is sizzling

add the garlic and cook quickly, just until it starts to blush a golden tan

throw in the broccoli rabe and stir continuously until it begins to cook down and reduce in size.

the rapini will give up some water, but not much...when it has begun to release its liquid it will be an even brighter green

at this point, take the cannellini and drain and rinse thoroughly [or else it will add too much liquid to the pot]

throw in the beans and cook, stirring for about 3 more minutes

finish with a coarse sea salt for flavor


***sit down for a super-satisfying dinner, and if you find yourself in my shoes, you will have enough to pack a cooler lunch for your next day of tooling about town on the bookmobile [mobile library] to seaside senior homes and summer camps, and still more left over to walk a lunch offering of gratitude across the street to Christine's house as a thankyou for internet horking and some tender care for her equally hard week.***

le bon mot du jour: because the Universe has more breath than we do.

moine shaolin by isabel munoz

was reading by my familiar midnight light, "The Spiritual Practices of the Ninja" by Ross Heaven, and stumbled onto this expression of a universal truth that keeps coming before me. it's like the words ring true in my spirit, and still...i keep receiving the message until i can live the embodiment of their reality. for the ninja, a loss of meaning was one form of kuro [or suffering], and facing his shadow in an acceptance of this soul fatigue was essential to overcoming it and entering into a time of major breakthrough and life change.

When you are hopeless, give up hope.

When you are humilated, let go of pride and choose humility.

When you are disillusioned, de-illusion.

When you are holding on to what you know, let go and

surrender to what is about to become.

- Dina Glouberman-

et c'est ainsi que je t'aime encore, cistern.

"The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost."

-g.k. chesterton-

le bon mot du jour.

[me] via text to biggity smalls:

"The ache is how we know we have a heart."

night life.

SO, SOMETIMES I FORGET in my tiny little verdant corner of the world that i live in what is considered an utterly urban environment...within walking distance of downtown...[where i live is technically not even suburbia, where most city mice find themselves]...and its broken sidewalks and now-schwanky 'reclaimed' historic districts were so long ago laid over wagon trails, it has mercifully escaped the blight of condo associations and gated communities and yards and color schemes that must all look the same.

there, in my little pocket of the universe, i have set about planting and growing and nourishing and tending to my own ramshackle container garden, my vegetables and herbs, my orchids and water lillies and various 'adopted' and 'volunteer' plants...and the green, and the quiet, and the wind in the leaves, fills my heart with an inexplicable comfort of breathing deep the scent of sap rising, and the joy of getting my hands dirty, touching and living close to the earth.

somenights i look out my upstairs window through the branches of various trees at the great orange moon rising over rooftops. and most often these days, when the wind comes to visit, i will stand at the window listening to the birds sing, and the dogs barking, and some neighborhood kids playing somewhere in the distance...eeking out the last seconds of their fleeting summer days before they have to pack it all in for the night. and, in my reverie, it's not hard to imagine i live somewhere where life is simpler...where there is no familiarity with the fast-pace that is all-day around us. and as the city sounds begin to quiet, and the frogs in my water garden begin to sing their night chorus, i can almost believe, this loft i live in...which used to be a carriage house for the horses nearly a century ago...is on some hillside in the south of france...or at the end of some long dusty lane, where the hours pass by with the rhythm of land.

AND THEN THERE ARE THOSE NIGHTS, THAT CAUSE ME TO REMEMBER...like last night when i woke at 3, like i often do, to haunt the midnight hours...the dormant collective memory of my family's farmer stock encoded in my DNA, even now. and wide awake, i decided to wander outside in my pajamas...who at all could possibly see me at this hour? the streetsweeper had long passed and the newspaper man had hours yet to come. and so, barefoot and with my laptop in hand...i wandered out in my garden to my car where, inexplicably, my friend Christine's wi-fi internet signal is strongest...i figured i may as well blog about the things that were turning over and over and over in my wee-hour-of-the-morning head.

now, believe me, i know i was quite a sight...computer in hand...sitting in my car...turning on occasionally the light to see where the comma is when i continually lose my bearing on the keyboard in the inky dark. and it makes me feel like a thief, or i am up to no good, because i am obviously horking internet, even though Christine has given me her password...and regularly plies me for advice on setting up a website for her...i log on with her blessing, but still...there i am...in my pajamas...steaming up my own windows, trying to keep the mosquitoes at bay. this is why i much prefer to avoid the stares of my misunderstanding neighbors, and to make good use of my predilection to need just a few hours of sleep. here i can do my internet thing in peace, and be done, long before dawn.

so there i was...somewhere around 5, and i finally determined it was a good time to wander in and officially start my day. the air was cool...even though...still...in the middle of the night, the street was warm beneath my feet...like it is an alive thing, a temperate creature, living so close to the equator, are we. i was taking my sweet time a-wandering...and enjoying how lush and green everything is, when i was nearly to my door where, what else?, BUT THE CITY'S LARGEST RAT was scurrying there and was just as stunned as i to be interrupted in his nocturnal prowls.

now...here's where my predictament became utterly laughable...because when you are out haunting your neighborhood in pajamas by the light of the moon...you tend to feel even more helpless when the only path to your front door is now intransible due to a frightened rustling RAT OF UNBELIEVABLE SIZE. and i'm aware that i may have been delusional...having been up all night, and such...but the sound that he made conjured up all the worst imaginings...i mean, clearly...i was the one out of my element...because, of course, it's my sweet garden by light of day, but MR. RAT'S ABODE ENTIRELY at night. and so, i felt decidedly at his mercy...and i thought, if he feels cornered, will he charge?

after stomping my feet a few times as a warning...i decided what i would do...back to my car for the sweater i always keep in the trunk...[yes, it's the middle of summer...but for the most part, society lives in a state of artificial, ice cold AC winter indoors, all-year-long.] i decided since i clearly already looked insane...and truth be told, had crazily spent the better part of the whole night out-of-doors, i would seem even nuttier and play the matador to get to my front door. if THE RAT decided to charge...at the very least maybe i could keep his nibbly teeth away from my terribly vulnerable toes.

and so, it goes, that at 5 a.m. this morning, i was swinging my cape wildly at the underbrush...trying, desperately, to avoid a run-in with the nightlife in my bare feet. absurd? most definitely...i had to giggle at all my most dreadful thoughts: with teeth like he had...it took me awhile to convince myself that he wouldn't care to dare to chew his way through my front door. and so, i now know...i will share my night haunts with his kind...but it won't give me pause, even to step out in my pajamas...i have long wandered the world by streetlight...but, next time i go...i'll most certainly remember to slip on some shoes...and carry a broom...pretty witch-like and fitting for a redhead who's frequently out wandering the world in the middle of the night.

and so it goes, we never knows.

photo by Mohamed Farouk

Who knows what is going on on the other side of each hour?

How many times the sunrise was
there, behind a mountain!

How many times the brilliant cloud piling up far off
was already a golden body full of thunder!

This rose was poison.

That sword gave life.

I was thinking of a flowery meadow
at the end of a road,
and myself in the slough.

I was thinking of the greatness of what was human,
and found myself in the divine.


- Juan Ramón Jiménez -
[translated by Robert Bly]

sunday evening - here comes monday morning - dreaming.

thebestweekendever.

andjustsoyouknowthereisnothingsweeterthanforegoinglaundryforspendingtheeveningwiththedearestofanamcaraswatchingmindbendingmoviesaboutthemysteriesofhumanconnectionandsensuality,talkingbooksandtextmessages,andbecoming,anddreams,andreading,andallthreeofusonourownlaptopsononecouchtogether,anddrivinghomeatmidnight,andwakingtonpr[sundaymorningmyritual]andmakingonefrenchpresspotofcoffee,anddrivinganhoursouthforanearlylunchwithtwofriendswhoarelikesisterswhowalkwithmethroughmyeverydayeventhoughinevergettoseethemenough,andsittingandtalkingofthewondersofbecoming,andthemanifestingofdreams,andthefixingofvision,andthehopeforthemostbeautifuloftomorrowsinthecelebrationofnin'ssomedaycomingchildwhowewillallmothereventhoughweareevennowjustlearninghowtofullybeourselvesandstill,wewillalllove,andimbueherchildwithallthebeautyandloveweareonlynowcomingtolikebeggars,likeragamuffins,tothefeastofspiritwhichyou,ohloverofoureternalsouls,arealwayslayingbeforeus,wewillfixourvisiononthebestyouhaveforus,wewill.