le bon mot du jour.

[me] via text to biggity smalls:

"The ache is how we know we have a heart."

thebestweekendever.

andjustsoyouknowthereisnothingsweeterthanforegoinglaundryforspendingtheeveningwiththedearestofanamcaraswatchingmindbendingmoviesaboutthemysteriesofhumanconnectionandsensuality,talkingbooksandtextmessages,andbecoming,anddreams,andreading,andallthreeofusonourownlaptopsononecouchtogether,anddrivinghomeatmidnight,andwakingtonpr[sundaymorningmyritual]andmakingonefrenchpresspotofcoffee,anddrivinganhoursouthforanearlylunchwithtwofriendswhoarelikesisterswhowalkwithmethroughmyeverydayeventhoughinevergettoseethemenough,andsittingandtalkingofthewondersofbecoming,andthemanifestingofdreams,andthefixingofvision,andthehopeforthemostbeautifuloftomorrowsinthecelebrationofnin'ssomedaycomingchildwhowewillallmothereventhoughweareevennowjustlearninghowtofullybeourselvesandstill,wewillalllove,andimbueherchildwithallthebeautyandloveweareonlynowcomingtolikebeggars,likeragamuffins,tothefeastofspiritwhichyou,ohloverofoureternalsouls,arealwayslayingbeforeus,wewillfixourvisiononthebestyouhaveforus,wewill.

from the - one more thing that makes me like you -. [or why 4th of july is kind of a queasy holiday for me] dept.

photo by shirin neshat

so i told you how i really hate the 4th...not in some mindless, reactivist sort of way...but as a thinking, feeling being...it's odious to me the way the day dissolves into what is essentially [not universally, but often enough] a bunch of americans getting rip-roaring drunk all day and then spending the evening playing with explosives. it's hard for me, because i think of what it means...the sacrifices that have been made for everything i possess...and the sacrifices that are made - daily - all over the world in countries that are unraveling in tyranny or servitude to what boils down to be [in my opinion] an economic war.

and you said..."they have to live with these horrid noises daily, while fearing they may fall victim. the fear. all the time. ugh".

and that's precisely it! that's what makes me sick...and i know it sounds terribly idealistic [an oxymoron, i feel, but i'm aware that i'm perpetually hopeful] to think that my small steps...like riding my bike 20 miles. instead of thoughtlessly getting behind the wheel and wasting resources like oil that people are dying over every. single. day. can make some difference in this off-spinning world. but that's what i think...

i think nationalism can be such a dangerously heady brew without any real substance...and at times, i look around and fear this post 9/11 world gets drunk on it, but what i think as a group of people we should only take esteem in is each act of compassion we can foster toward our fellow human beings.

i was talking today with a fellow co-worker who had emigrated here a long time ago from iran...and like one my favorite artists: shirin neshat...i could sense in her a feeling of still being alien...of not knowing exactly where she belongs. "there are so many beautiful things on that side of the world she said...and they have been poisoned...poisoned by years of the horror of war and one corrupt government after the other [often set up, or supported by u.s. administrations]...and people over here don't have any idea of what goes on in the world...even though there is access to a computer, or books...and all information anywhere you look, and it's hard for me because people judge me for my race, for my religion...and i want to say...what do you even know of my religion? so many things...and it's hard for me to say [as she put her head in her hands]...how do i find the words?...it just seems, so many here are...spoiled.

and i shared with her these words, i had just stumbled on before she came to sit with me, and even as we sat in silence as she read it, the words turned over and over in my mind "pray it is universally applicable" and so, i do:

Prayer in my Boot

For the wind no one expected

For the boy who does not know the answer

For the graceful handle I found in a field
attached to nothing
pray it is universally applicable

For our tracks which disappear
the moment we leave them

For the face peering through the cafe window
as we sip our soup

For cheerful American classrooms sparkling
with crisp colored alphabets
happy cat posters
the cage of the guinea pig
the dog with division flying out of his tail
and the classrooms of our cousins
on the other side of the earth
how solemn they are
how gray or green or plain
how there is nothing dangling
nothing striped or polka-dotted or cheery
no self-portraits or visions of cupids
and in these rooms the students raise their hands
and learn the stories of the world

For library books in alphabetical order
and family businesses that failed
and the house with the boarded windows
and the gap in the middle of a sentence
and the envelope we keep mailing ourselves

For every hopeful morning given and given
and every future rough edge
and every afternoon
turning over in its sleep

- naomi shihab nye
from "19 Varieties of Gazelle"

why i love my laurabeautifulsoultallestangelsentinelwhitedove. or seeing eye friends are the best.

laura [via text]: u wanna come over for masala tea and cookies?

me [via text]: awww, i was just gonna text you two! i wanted you to know even if i had been up to [dancing] tonight, i've been at emergency care 'til now. i scratched my cornea, and i am definitely home for the night.

laura [via text]: that sucks. are u ok? if u need anything let us know, leisy and i are just hanging out.

me [at the same time via text]: i miss you both. can we do that soon?

laura [via text]: well, if u need two seeing eye friends, we're here.

speaking of keeping unusual collections.

[and here's why i love my friend leisy - aka luna - aka "the" baba ganouch]

leisy [via email]: ...interesting fact of the day.

Somehow I thought you'd appreciate the following; while flipping through the classifieds yesterday afternoon, Laura happened upon the "Arts & Crafts" section.

There were two things listed.

1) Amish Quilt. Meh.

2) Mannequins. Dressed to resemble movie stars. $50.

Dare me to call that number?

me [via email]: yowsa.

how norman bates-ish.

i'm very frightened-cum-intrigued.

double dog dare.

[and the thing is, she's just the kind of sport who will call]

le bon mot du jour, merci de biggity smalls.

"But what we call our despair is often only the painful eagerness of unfed hope."

- George Eliot-

yep. it suits my congenitally bowed legs, or life in the saddle...

Lisa [via text]: What is it about cycling that you like so much?

Me [via text]: This is it precisely: it challenges me. It's practical. It's eco-responsible. It's incredibly satisfying to make the distance by my own strength that others would only make by car. It's meditative. It appeals to my nerdy, boyscout-pack lite/but be prepared sensibilities. And i can pace and race myself.

thank you, biggity smalls for reminding me...even as i am destroyed, i am healed.

[...in pursuit of wholeness,
i seek wholeness for all others,
what inspired me today...]

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

In Buddhism it is taught that everything has the power to
heal and cure.
That means that anything we encounter in our lifetimes can serve as beneficial medicine. This is an important concept because it reminds us that so often our well-being is in our own hands.
We can use our environment and our world
to help us heal our hearts and restore our health.
We can be healed by words;
we can be healed by relationships;
we can be healed by medication;
we can be healed by the diet;
we can be healed by friends;
we can be healed by touch and massage;
we can be healed by nature.
Crystals have healing properties as does music.
Prayer helps us heal and visualizations help us heal.
Studies have shown that animals and pets help us heal and shorten recovery periods.
We can be healed by everything we touch and everything that touches us.
We are all healers;
we can learn to heal ourselves;
we can help in the healing of others.
Healing energy takes place through an agency
far greater than, yet immanent in,
each of us.

The healing mantra of the Medicine Buddha is:

TA-YA-YA OM BEKANZÉ BEKANZÉ MAHABEKANZÉ
RADZA SUMUD-GATÉ SOHA

Roughly translated, it says:
"Oh healing Buddha, reliever of all suffering,
relieve my pain and all suffering. Relieve the roots of suffering.
So be it!"

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

- from "Letting Go of the Person You Used to Be" byLama Surya Das -

all i can say is...

...i love friends who come back to work
to pick up my bicycle-riding-stranded self
in the midst of a late-afternoon thunderstorm,
and who treat me to homemade
chickpea flour pizza before making sure
i'm delivered home safe and dry.

[i am truly a fortunate girl]

this is [just one reason] why i love my friend elise...

[taken from an email] -

me: why on freecycle are the offers for things along the lines of:

offered: free dixie cup holder...corner of smith and main?

or

offered: free suitcase (please read)...broken zipper, missing handle (in need of some repair)


but the postings for wants are along the lines of:

wanted: laptop...preferably macbook

or

wanted: 37 inch color tv...


i mean.
seriously.

it's a waste of my wasting time!!

and her reply:

ej: bwahaha!

offering:
ego filled psyche, with a dash of hysteria

wanted:
serenity filled heart, included brain with overflowing amounts of intellect