la façon de laisser aller.

i want nothing. except.
maybe. that my brother be taken care of. and
my cats. if only
i could be sure of these things, then it would
be okay.

the rest. do with what you will.
some live
their whole lives
barely clothed. with
nothing. they can call
their own. no
trinkets. no
treasures. and i? have
far more than one person
could possibly carry.
should
it come to that. say,
in case of fire or high water. so.

those things?
let my friends divvy for
what they wish. they all
have great taste. i am certain,
they'd appreciate the things
that granted me, for some while, on this planet
a sense of
home.

all things.
lose their meaning in context
eventually.
my grandfather's suspenders. too large
and long for me.
that heady cork. from a faraway
winter's forgotten plum wine. you buried
in your jewelry box then.
ticket stubs. art
supplies. favorite
socks. good writing
pens. disposable cameras
spent. but not.
developed. these
snapshots of a life.
become someone else's history to
the finder,
eventually.

as trite and opaque as the
polaroid as bookmark, tucked
in some thriftstore novel.
someone else's fiction. my life
will never hold truth
outside
my head. so.

i want nothing. except.
maybe. that my brother be taken care of. and
my cats. though
nothing. not
even
this
is guaranteed. even he,
Precious Boy,
will fade. and
those small-pawed footsteps fall
as silent
as
the photos undeveloped. briefly
captured. but
abandoned. yesterday's
dance. kinetic
paralysis. once warm, a
spirit now cold. and
forgotten as
that long ago taste
of one winter's
plum wine.

-j

do You really learn with me? do You really live through me? do You really embody all of this?

photo by christian kettiger


You glide between the heart and its casing as tears glide from the eyelid.
You dwell in my inwardness, in the depths of my heart, as souls dwell in bodies.
Nothing passes from rest to motion unless you move it in hidden ways,
O new moon.

- Hallaj (Mansur al-Hallaj)

being. schooled. [and thank you, stars, for reminding me to give what little i may have to give]

Instructions
. . .

So here are my instructions: Eyes,
do not dry up. Lungs, breathe deep,
give strength to shouts and songs.

And you, my heart, you have a lifelong task
to be a gate. Closing. Opening.
No matter what, no matter who

demands to be let in. You are only
the gate. No judgment. no questions,
no fear, my heart, but courage.


- Ilze Klavina Mueller

le bon mot du jour: read while studying jungian archetypes - reconciling the anima

"Ideals are fragile.
Stars fall.
I can cut the ruby hidden
in a pebble
into an everlasting jewel."

yet the Lord of both worlds will enter there.

photo by RayDS


The Mirror
(from The Secret Rose Garden)


Your eye has not strength enough
to gaze at the burning sun,
but you can see its burning light
by watching its reflection
mirrored in the water.

So the reflection of Absolute Being
can be viewed in the mirror of Not-Being,
for nonexistence, being opposite Reality,
instantly catches its reflection.

Know the world from end to end is a mirror;
in each atom a hundred suns are concealed.
If you pierce the heart of a single drop of water,
from it will flow a hundred clear oceans;
if you look intently at each speck of dust,
in it you will see a thousand beings.
A gnat in its limbs is like an elephant;
in name a drop of water resembles the Nile.
In the heart of a barleycorn is stored a hundred harvests.
Within a millet-seed a world exists.
In an insects wing is an ocean of life.
A heaven is concealed in the pupil of an eye.
The core at the center of the heart is small,
yet the Lord of both worlds will enter there.


-Mahmud Shabistari
English version by Florence Lederer

le bon mot du jour: read while studying hawk medicine.

"The destiny of all humankind is to awaken from their spiritual amnesia and re-align with the original intention of their soul."

- Sayahda -

dear,God.

what to do with
these tears?