Pir - [a new hope is born in my heart ]

Pir


Inspirer of my mind, consoler of my heart, healer of my spirit,
Thy presence lifteth me from earth to heaven,
Thy words flow as the sacred river,
Thy thought riseth as a divine spring,
Thy tender feelings awaken sympathy in my heart.

Beloved Teacher, thy very being is forgiveness.
The clouds of doubt and fear
are scattered by thy piercing glance.
All ignorance vanishes in thy illuminating presence.
A new hope is born in my heart
by breathing thy peaceful atmosphere.


Hazrat Inayat Khan

please...

...don't ever underestimate
the transformative power
of the words,


i believe in you.



[they just might grant someone with ragged, tired hope, the vision
that is okay to begin the world over again]

the body remembers what the heart, with grace, wills to forget.

Today. It's painful.
The memory of how I trusted her so completely.
That night she came home at dawn.
The ten thousand ways she shattered my heart;
Sometimes I feel the prick of each shard.
Those endless moments of dying,
Of watching her heart cool to stone.
I loved her still, but love, for her was too much.
[Perfect Love casts out all fear.]
But she, she chose fear instead.

Why I had to face the dragon.

I thought of it this morning as I geared up to mount my faithful steed sojourner truth. I thought of it as I rode home from lea b's art show in the dark. I thought of it yesterday morning and the evening before that. I thought of it as I rode, eyeing the hypnotic white line at the avenue's edge block after block for miles. I've been troubled by a vision these last few days and nights, and I knew I had to find it today.

I was riding so very purposefully Monday, on my way to work, and making good time when it sailed by in my peripheral. I hadn't been sure I'd seen it correctly and turned that quick second to look. Sure enough it was there in the fast fading distance, lying straight as an arrow in the gutter, like the treasure of a once and future king.

"Where did it come from?" I wondered as I pressed forward. I had already suppressed the instinct to turn around and rescue it, and already doubted my decision. It didn't take me long to piece together a theory, a quarter mile up the road laid a fallen action figure, and further, a broken fire truck…no doubt, some child's dreams dropped unseen by a moving truck…lost without notice along the way.

But it was the sword that haunted me. Buzz Lightyears are familiar. Toy fire trucks, non-descript. But there was so much soul and handiwork poured into crafting this child's vision. The straight reed of a palm frond dragged around no doubt to approximate a tip…a crossguard and pommel of paper and clumsy tape at the hilt. I knew I had to find it again. It was too significant a loss to allow the wind and rain and traffic to claim it to oblivion.

I rode that night and again the next morning…another evening and later…a night again looking for it…imagining some child knight lost and heartbroken in some strange and foreign new home castle. I awoke again this morning thinking of it, and rode, more slowly this time, scanning the long, white line of the gutter and taking inventory of my surroundings with each new mile.

And as I trudged on…there it was! Somebody had no doubt, thrown it toward the bushes, and there it lay on its side…waiting…with resplendent intent. I had to brake hard to stop. Dismounting, I considered the coming traffic, how far I would have to run back to retrieve it, and pulled my steed to the side for safety.

In an instant, my adult world of work commute faded, and I knew this seeming crazy quest was infinitely important. It was that split second when I also heard the dragon. I moved forward, hearing my road shoes crunch against the still dew-wet morning grass. Such ferociousness! Unseen, a large and angry dog informed me of how long his teeth were, and how much he'd like me to feel them pierce my flesh.

We were making a scene. Me, errant proxy for the destitute child-knight, and this dragon of a howling dog, snarling and screaming from the bushes. I made sure the fence was high as his guttural barking grew louder and more desperate. Having reached the sword then that lay just beyond his reach, I wheeled around and thrust it victoriously into the air.

It was a ridiculous sight as I rode past mothers dutifully delivering their little ones to school…principal and crossing guards, drinking coffee…and other adults making their way by me in cars on the way to work. There I was riding along like Peter Pan's lost boy, balancing my treasured sword first this way, balancing it further along, yet another.

All I could see was rescuing this child's dream. It was as if, had I left this sword to simply fade away, the dream also, would die with it. And who can say, we can't rescue the wonder of childhood this way? And who can know for certain, to fight as a brave knight, isn't somehow this child's destiny? Perhaps, in some future and modern construct, this child-knight will be commissioned to fight a great and fearsome battle. And so much heart…so much spirit invested in even child's play rings with truth the clarion call of a journey's purpose.

Maybe this fledgling hero will brave new frontiers in medicine or physics? Maybe she will be a great visionary, inspiring sweeping social change and peace? Whatever the dragon be, I will cherish the latent vision like some otherworldly benefactress…and in this way grant the tender-budding child's heart the nobility of honouring its truth. And even as she grows becoming, may her journey - and all heroes like her - be marked with wisdom, grace, and strength.

a neurotic nellie's ode to her lunchbox.

i like tiffin tins. how smartly they fit together. i like their compact utility. it appeals to my neurotic sensibilities. i like that you don't have to worry about bisphenol a or pvcs leaching into your foods from petroleum based plastics. i like that it minimizes packaging and waste. i like that it can weather being bungeed to my bike. i like being creative in such a small space. i like mostly that it is traditional and Indian and simple. i wanted a tiffin tin for a very long time. naturally, since i haven't yet been to India, when i finally found them here in the States [unexpectedly], i bought 3: a triple decker, smaller, and smallest...and i feel. every. day. i use them, they are a small wonder to be celebrated. enjoy. and bon appetite.

Please survey the tiny glory that is a tiffin tin lunch HERE.

Refrigerator Roundup: Between Seasons Summer/Fall Samedi Soiree.

Having wheeled home yet another bike load of fabulous vegetables from my favorite Farmer's market, I spent Saturday night cooking what I couldn't fit into my too-tiny coldbox. After surveying all the veggies still on hand from the last trip, and what would likely be the first to pale from most recent one, I decided to throw together these two down-home delights. While the butternut squash hints at the Fall that is still yet to come, I like pretending we are actually going to feel a change of seasons here in the Deep South, and winter squashes are my favorite staple veggies to have on hand…they keep well without refrigeration for a long time, and singlehandedly, make a stew a meaty, meatless delight…toss with some beans and cook-up for a hearty meal that even a carnivore would love.


Spicy Butternut Squash and Pinto Frijole Achiote Stew

Ingredients:
One butternut squash, Peeled and Cut into approx. 1 inch chunks.
2-3 small yellow onions, skinned and chopped
1 green pepper, chopped
1 orange pepper, chopped
4-6 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1 can or 2 cups beans your choice…I used pinto beans.
4-6 chopped tomatoes, or you can cheat like I did and use 1 can prepared chopped tomatoes.
Approx 1 tbs Achiote [Annato seeds]
2 tbs Olive Oil
Approx. 4 dried red chiles.
Cumin
Paprika
Cayenne

Preparation:
Assemble and prepare all of your vegetables.
**Tip: I find it easiest to peel a butternut squash if it is microwaved for approximately one minute before cutting.

Heat olive oil over medium heat in a Dutch oven or 4 quart pot.

Add the chopped onion, begin to stir until translucent.

Add the garlic, stir.

Add the achiote, stir until it begins to dissolve. The onions and garlic will immediately color golden.

Add the green and orange pepper and stir.

Once everything has begun to season, Add the butternut squash, continue to cook until the squash begins to brown ever so slightly at the edges.

Add the beans, stir.

Add the tomatoes, stir.

Season liberally with cumin, cayenne, and paprika.

Reduce heat to a simmer, cover and let it cook until the flavors meld and everything begins to soften a bit – approx 20-30 minutes.

Remove dried chiles before serving.

**For outright belly-lovin' decadence, serve over cornbread or polenta – in a word, yum.


Saturday night, I also threw together this southern delight. While the orange juice hints at Summer, the shallots complete the dish with a savory sophistication. I was very pleased at the result…and to think, I had previously only taken the time to compost the greens…I had no idea what I was missing out on!

Beet Greens with Caramelized Shallots and Balsamic Orange Glaze

Ingredients:
One bunch Beet Greens, rinsed well – stems cut into 1-2 inch pieces, leaves cut into ribbons
2tbs. olive oil
2-3 shallots, skinned and thinly sliced
One orange, skinned and cut into segments or
Approximately 1/3 cup of orange juice
Splash of white balsamic vinegar
Pinch of raw or brown sugar
Coarse sea salt; pepper to taste

Preparation:
Rinse the beet greens thoroughly…these tend to be gritty buggers. I prefer to fill a bowl with ice and water and baptize them several times letting the sand to dislodge into sediment at the bottom of the bowl. It is not necessary to dry thoroughly…I just give them a shake or two before cooking.

Heat olive oil in a medium sauté pan over medium heat.

When warmed, drop the shallots with a sizzle into the pan…brown slowly, stirring often.

When the shallots have cooked past translucent and are beginning to brown, throw in a pinch of sugar

Follow with a splash of balsamic, cover and allow to reduce.

Add the greens and stir to coat.

Continue stirring until the leaves of the greens begin to give up their water and reduce.

Add the orange segments…add the orange juice.

Salt and Pepper to taste.

Once again cover, reduce heat and allow simmering until it reduces.

Serve up steaming hot, and try to eat just one serving.

falling down, being undone, and the great immutable law of Love.

I fell down this morning, and it hurt.
Accidents, mishaps, catastrophes — they all happen like that, so suddenly. Your world spins in the momentum which leaves you wondering, "what happened?" for a disorienting space of time before you can make sense of the…this…led to that…perspective.

I was making my way by bike on the road to work, and all of the sudden I was bleeding on the sidewalk. It was shocking at first. And then, it hurt. And then, it became clearer with each passing minute, as the blood pooled beneath my skin in a feverish swell of black and blue, that it was going to hurt worse.

I am lucky.
There were 4 cars that did not hit me.
I am lucky.
I was catapulted to the side of the road, even as my bike was launched over me.
I am lucky.
It is merely a flesh wound.
I am lucky.
There was a safe place to stop nearby where I could address the immediate pain, and assess the damage.

Some ice, and tenderness, and a cleansing cold wash with a rag, and a friendly cup of coffee later, I was on my way again…straining a bit at first, against the twisted memory of a new pain…I continued – and finished – my journey.

And the whole while, a somber thought, I carried in the pocket of my heart. It was there like an unspoken dawning, the awareness of what day this is.

I thought of it
as I awoke this morning.

I thought of it
as I listened to coverage and remembrances on NPR as I readied for work.

I thought of it
as my friend hastily put together a compress of ice for my bruised and bleeding knees.

I thought of it
as she sat across from me – of how she was there – in that city caring for frightened children on that terrible day.

I thought of it
as I considered the countless others whose lives are forever, irreversibly changed.

Those who lost fathers, and mothers, and brothers, and sisters, and daughters, and sons, and lovers, and friends.

Those who lost comfort, and safety, and security, and focus, and vision, and purpose, and dreams, and perhaps even faith, or hope, or love.

And I thought of it
even as my wounds simply smart, how they are just a temporary grief.


And grief is like this. It changes who we are. It causes us to re-evaluate our journey.

We come to grief, often so unexpectedly, so suddenly, our whole lives

Stop,

and unravel, and are undone.

We are opened up in a way that seems we have no choice but to hurt. We are often shocked. We are hurting. We are so immobile for a while, even as the world continues to spin. We are frightened, or angry, or despondent, or heartbroken. We are raw.

But we are still here. And this grief has now – regardless of our choosing – become a part of who we are. It is now a part of our journey…which will end, now and here, if we stay in this place. But now/here is nowhere…and even as we come to an acceptance of this change, we must keep moving.

And this is no easy task. How is it when we lose all sense of what we know as sure that we can know which way to go? It is helpful to remember, and has become a touchstone for my own life…that choosing the path of love will always expand our horizons, while choosing the path of self-protection, or hatred, or fear, will always lead to a diminished, closed-off, narrow existence.

If I had refused to get back on my bike, I would not be here/now…it is embracing with an open heart each new moment that will slowly bring us back to life with grace.

And it is loving, really loving when we are challenged. When our world is devastated. When our heart is crushed. When we lose everything. When we are broken. When someone would wish to do us harm. When we are stripped of everything we could ever hold as dear to us, that we can know for certain. Only love is real. [and living and giving that love is our highest purpose.]and,it is this great truth, that is scryed upon my heart –


All love is expansion, all selfishness is contraction.
Love is therefore the only law of life.
He who loves lives, he who is selfish is dying.
Therefore love for love's sake,
because it is law of life,
just as you breathe to live.


- Swami Vivekananda -