because the shadow needs a light

things are ...
so often not what they seem

many times, this is sad
but just as often ...
a beautiful thing.

how the soul rises above

and so it happens some days when jolted out of a lunchtime reverie [mmmm, shitake and tofu] by the shrieking pain inflicted in that unmistakable burning of an ant bite that the heart can supercede the autonomic tyranny of the cerebellum and amygdala duo and pause to remember how big even the smallest life is

and so still in the grip of those tiny little mandibles allowing the work of her venomous piperidine injector i paused to breathe

[taking in the pain]

and
leaned down
to take a look

as my mind had reasoned there she was conforming to her nature setting little fires all about my ankle


pause


i

gently

placed the
tip
of my finger
distracting her
i guess perhaps
a new threat
but
climb aboard she
did

and

even more gently still
i

placed her on the bench next
to me

and i sat there watching
for awhile it seemed
she was shaky
confused
discombobulated
and
i thought
what is she thinking
is she lost
getting her bearings
how large her world
how random and capriciously
it changes for her

her circumstances
feasting at lunch
[as was i]
now
has brought her
to this new place
where
there is
something grander than the moment
something new to learn

i realized it was quite possible the noontime hot stone bench was harmful to her in some way and again i

gently
lifted her
leaned and delivered her
to the shady comfort of the ground

still shaky
she was
i
tried to imagine
her life

her needs
her physical demands

i

gently
placed

before her a
lake!

those last few drops of water from
my
own
cup

and watching
her
drink

with such joy i
smiled

never, please never.

underestimate

kindness.
the miraculous, transformative power of being present.
putting another first.
smiling.
tenderness.
taking time to breathe. deeply. before speaking.
choosing love over fear.
stepping into someone else's shoes. even for a moment.
remaining open.
putting your actions in-line with your words.
wanting someone else to be fully, wholly authentic and true to her own journey.
faithfully remaining, fully, wholly authentic and true to your own.

where there is real, true love between two individuals,
these are not hard.
not mutually exclusive.

instead.
it's a pause at the edge of the cliff.
taking the time to hold your other's hand
to stand firm, strong,
to lean into one another.
together.

knowing the thoughtless, single mis-step
hazards a heady plunge;
dizzying fall
from the precipice
onto the unforgiving stones
of self

it's true.

The world is far more vast than we often realize we can create.
And then,
we awaken.

xix

[becoming, i]

from The Walls Do Not Fall


There is a spell, for instance,
in every sea-shell:

continuous, the sea-thrust
is powerless against coral,

bone, stone, marble
hewn from within by that craftsman,

the shell-fish:
oyster, clam, mollusc

is master-mason planning
the stone marvel:

yet that flabby, amorphous hermit
within, like the planet

senses the finite,
it limits its orbit

of being, its house,
temple, fane, shrine:

it unlocks the portals
at stated intervals:

prompted by hunger,
it opens to the tide-flow:

but infinity? no,
of nothing-too-much:

I sense my own limit,
my shell jaws snap shut

at invasion of the limitless,
ocean-weight; infinite water

can not crack me, egg in egg-shell;
closed in, complete, immortal

full-circle, I know the pull
of the tide, the lull

as well as the moon;
the octopus-darkness

is powerless against
her cold immortality;

so I in my own way know
that the whale

can not digest me:
be firm in your own small, static, limited

orbit and the shark-jaws
of outer circumstance

will spit you forth:
be indigestible, hard, ungiving.

so that, living within,
you beget, self-out-of-self,

selfless,
that pearl-of-great-price.


H.D.

pause.

lying here noting the fading smell of sulfur match lit the Holy Spirit candle placed at the center of the cardinal directions on the altar I erected facing east signifying Life my life a whole life is the work being wrought in me i am tapping tapping tapping out each letter painstakingly but a moment this and then gone i love this lampost to living altarspace a low lying table i culled forth for this purpose to pause to bend knee to invoke i know we don't always know where we are headed cosmic vagabonds all but the Sacred knows exactly what we need and what we need is what I pray for our souls to grow i listen so often to the song when the birds are flying low watch the thunderheads form and did you know? you can lean so far into the wind and smell the rain gather whispering drops before there is even a visible cloud in the sky i thought i was imagining it one afternoon but it was as real as any dream and so it is i like knowing there is a secret wisdom wonder gathers all about us and we are so busy looking for what we think we should see we miss it the mystery the real and glory of it all i've come to the conclusion i want to listen more prayer is so much more about my ears than my voice but then my heart has always made its pace through the day with you I'm thinking of how now it's so much summer outside and yet like on Saturday when i felt it when you are out riding with the wind sometimes you can feel a change coming long before you'll see that change along its way i swear i felt tiny moments of fall and though all about us seems contrary to that day you can't tell me it's not coming i hear it's cold in the Panhandle tonight and so it is you envelop me in Mystery i cannot possibly know in this moment what the world it has instore for me but i know you mark my journey and i embrace it to honour you grant me courage like the ready staff i once took with me everywhere the one I called my umbrella only a few knew i never meant it to keep out the rain like the power imbued in the child's sword plucked and preserved from the gutter of oblivion i promise i will never stop looking for your letters never stop listening for your voice never stop never stop being in your name do not let me settle for less than your eternal transformational quickening moment by moment by moment. yes.


[artwork from the album "fallen splendour" by jeff johnson]